Catwoman was totally not awesome.

Is it? Really?

Yes, yes it is! It's another post which has no relation whatsoever to any contest, particularly not one which involves scandalous items of clothing or objects which may or may not be insertable/vibratey!

I'm on a roll!

I deserve a fuckin' medal, because I'm a trooper. And what do troopers get?

That's right. MEDALS.

And now if I were talented like certain other blogging individuals, this is where I would insert increasingly creative and hilarious mock medals with which you may wish to award me (or yourself, or your pet elephant). These may or may not be created via Photoshop vectors or even Flash, which I had a very brief but thoroughly unsuccessful run with last summer, but which produces beautifully smoothified lines.

How do you do it, Flash? How do you make my crappy mouse-drawn lines so byootiful? Are you magic? Are you actually a unicorn???

Of course not. But I'm distracting myself.

The point is: I'm not good at producing computer art. So you'll just have to use your imagination and create one for me. In your head. Why should I have to do all the work?

< ambiguous Asian/Eastern European/Russian accent > Everyone in country is lazy! < /accent >

See what I did there? See how clever that was? I hope that doesn't break Blogger when I try to publish this post. (UPDATE: It totally broke the post. I fixed it with science.) Legit fear. I have broken websites before. I won an award for it.

Not like, a prestigious hacker award, but like, I was part of an awesome team that made websites. Except I sucked at making websites, so my job was to do all sorts of random shit to break them and get error screens. And now I'm in a loveless relationship with my completely unrelated-to-breaking-websites major. I KNEW I MISSED MY TRUE CALLING. Fucking tragedy.

It's almost 2 in the morning, but I can still tell when my blog posts are getting way too long. I have a better grasp of this now because after tunneling through a bunch of sex toy reviews (HOORAY I AM EMPLOYED I LOVE YOU EDENFANTASYS, ALSO THE UNIVERSE*) these past two weeks, I have a perfect understanding of where the normal human person's mind starts to wander and send subliminal messages to the frontal cortex**, like, "Dude. Let's go eat some pizza. Yeah, pizza. And then we can watch funny cat videos on Youtube! This review/blog/Edgar Allen Poe poem sucks."

So I'm gonna cut this post off at the knees and just give you the information that really matters:

The Catwoman movie sucks.

Yeah, the one with Halle Berry in it.

Also, the one which everyone else with whom I have come into contact has warned me off of. For the past, what, five, six years? When did that movie come out? And I never saw it.

But then, tonight, something changed for me. I said to myself, "Who am I to say no to a movie just because everyone else hates it?" I've certainly never let it stop me before. Like the time when I wore that mint green zipper vest with lavender arm warmers and a giant neck ruff in high school, and everyone tried to stop me, and I wore it the whole day anyway. No one even remembered it afterward, possibly because it was so eye-searing that it burned its own image out of retinas the same moment it was viewed. But the point is, everyone agreed that it was a terrible decision, but I still made it.

So I decided to put aside the negative labels assigned to this superhero movie and gave it a shot. 30 minutes, to be precise. So really, not even a third of it. And I had to watch it in five minute intervals, because it turns out I just couldn't watch the damn thirty minutes altogether in the same sitting. It was that painful.

I love Halle Berry. She's so cute. And regal. At the same time. It's kind of confusing. But she's nice to look at. If she were a kitty cat I'd call her Missus Precious Meowmeow Noms and she'd have a goofy grin on her face all the time. That's how much I love Halle Berry, and I've really only seen her in comic book movies. It's also no secret that I love kitties. And this movie has a shit ton of kitties. It even has a CGI kitty, which is just weird when you've got real cats milling around. Kind of like in the Garfield movie, when... oh shit, this post is getting long.

I wish I could actually finish this post, but my eyes are starting to hurt. I should be in bed. It's late. Good night.

* As much as I'd love to dedicate an entire post to how awesome EdenFantasys is for employing me (and the Universe for being...well, the Universe), I feel like one really good all-caps sentence set aside from the rest of the post via parentheses does it far more justice than an entire post ever could. I'm pretty sure such a post would contain numerous diversions, such as what I had for lunch today, and why can't dorms serve better food, and who are these strange people calling my room asking for "Vince"? This is a girls' corridor, for crying out loud. And wouldn't it be great to have a teeny tiny elephant as your pet? You could sedate it with a single hydrocodone pill (or half of one, I'm not a real scientist yet) and use it as a paperweight. Wouldn't that be awesome? I think I've made my point.

** I don't remember what the frontal cortex does. It probably has nothing to do with subliminal messages. I'm not a real scientist yet! Stop being all...judgey.