sorry for the shitacular blog name

so... blog start-up attempt no. 2

What went wrong the first time?

well, I named my blog "Nympho Noshings". which sounds like... erotica for ladies who use tea cozies and knit while they watch porn. and, while I'm sure that there's something out there that caters to that audience, I really don't know that I want to cater to that audience.

So what's up with the new name?

it's not "Nympho Noshings".

How is it any better?

now, instead of associating my blog with teatime porn and biscuits, my -5 readers will associate it with an older woman who peers sternly over her spectacles at her hapless victims. who, for the record, probably deserve it.

I take offense at the term "older woman".

frikkin' EVERYONE is older than me. even my cat is older than me, and he's only 3 "cat years" old, which is like the equivalent of 28 "human years". which I think is total BS because cats don't go around the Earth slower than humans or vice versa. my cat just made it up so he could peer sternly over his favorite box at his hapless human. but Judge Judy is 66 years old, so she's even older than my cat. they have peering contests. except then my cat gets annoyed and swats her in the face.

Except it's the TV screen, right? And it's all cutesy and shit because your cat is playing with the TV?

yeah. pretty much.

So explain your blog's name.

I'm not a bona fide nympho, but I'm totally a judgmental bitch. I keep blogs on facebook and myspace, except my friends read those so I can't bitch about the stupid things they've done because then it's "passive agressive" and everyone blogs about what a bitch I am. so basically I'm going to start this blog so I can bitch all I want about my friends (except I'll use pseudonyms and be all sneaky and ninja about it), and I'll keep my facebook and myspace blogs to bitch about my non-facebook/myspace friends. I also can't review sex toys on facebook/myspace because I have these crazy virtuous people on my friends list who will invariably find out and leave comments like "I am so shocked that you put electrical appliances into your vagina! What would Jesus think?" and I'd be all like "Jesus came out of a vagina, bitch." which wouldn't actually answer the question and they'd totally start a facebook war with me and create an app for everyone to hate on me. so I'll use this blog to judge people and sex toys.

everybody wins!

well... not really. just me.