So for anyone who's been living under a rock for the past month or more, Ginger Leigh is doing this sextoy.com shopping spree giveaway where you can make a wish list of up to $1,000 worth of sextoy.com goodies and enter it in the contest. If you win, you get everything on your wish list. which is. you know. AWESOME. I told my boyfriend about it, and he in turn looked meaningfully at our overflowing duffel bag of sex toys that we've accumulated over the past >1 year and I'm like "what? I said I wanted a sex ROOM, Keg. that's just the bag we started using because your extra large shoebox started to overflow."
this is in disregard of the fact that we don't really have a spare room for sex toys yet. we don't even have our own apartment. we don't even LIVE TOGETHER. it's one of those "someday" things, along with "someday, we should fill a barn with homeless kittens and train them to be pirates." shut up. it's totally a legit life goal. my dad always bugs me about my apparent lack of life goals, and I'm like "that is not true! I have SO MANY DREAMS, Dad. I can't help it if you don't acknowledge the validity of them."
stick around, I'll tell you more sad stories about my life. but later. Here's my wish list:
1. Lelo Nea (Black)-- I've heard some complaints about the Nea not being strong enough, but it's so pretty that I frankly don't care. If it doesn't do it for me, I'll use it as a paperweight. By paper, I mean my clitoris. Not that my clitoris is paperlike in any way. That would be weird.
2. Lelo Gigi (Deep Rose)-- My "que cera cera" approach to G-spotting has of late evolved into a full on war. I need a weapon. Gigi's not a rifle--she's better.
3. Pjur Eros Body Glide Women (100mL)--I just realized that we are almost totally out of lube and it would suck a lot if I actually won and couldn't play with my small mountain of toys because we didn't have any lube on hand. There was this really cool lady in a sex shop I went to who massaged this onto my hand and I was like "shit! this stuff is awesome!" I would have bought it then except I was broke because I spent all my $1 bills on strippers.
4. Maximus Personal Lubricant (250 mL)-- Silicone lubes might melt my silicone toys. If I'm going to have a shit ton of toys, then I might as well as have a shit ton of lube. Besides, this lube has a reputation.
5. ID Millenium (8.5 oz)-- Just in case the other two lubes don't do it at all for me, I want to have this trusty favorite by my side. I PROMISE THIS IS THE LAST TUBE O' LUBE I PUT ON THIS LIST. stop judging me.
6. Beginner Ball Gag (Red)--My boyfriend sucks at being a submissive. He'll ask me to tie him up, but then he'll continue to boss me around afterwards and he whines so hideously when I smack him for being cheeky. In short, this will shut him up good. I'll give him a squeaky toy or something in lieu of safe word.
7. Rude Boy (Black) --Said boyfriend wasn't very responsive to the Nexus Titus, so hopefully the addition of vibration and silicone material instead of plastic will generate a more favorable reaction this time.
8. Maven Blue Elastomer --The last sleeve I got the boyfriend was an absolute fail (thanks a lot, Pipedream) so hopefully this one will do the trick.
9. Jewel Butt Plug Emerald --For me! I like the idea of wearing a miniskirt and button up around the apartment with this in :D My boyfriend will probably steal it just like he stole my glass plug though...
10. Black Tantus Severin Butt Plug--So the boyfriend will have his own butt plug to play with and leave mine alone! He's also been wanting a larger plug, so...
11. Share (Baby Rose) --My boyfriend's a pretty big fan of pegging. At least, in theory. We've only tried it once since we got together and since that strap-on has earned itself a permanent residence in the very bottom of the smut drawer (where all the crappy toys go), this one will hopefully be a much better replacement.
12. Dream Maker Lunar Rabbit --I've never had an actual "bunny"-rabbit. My rabbit-type vibes are all non-animal, which I think is pretty boring. I heard some pretty cool things about this toy which should make up for the fact that it's probably too big for me.
13. Acuvibe Wireless Massager --The fact that it's kinda like the Hitachi but wireless and also kind of awesome looking means it's definitely going into our personal sex tape. Whenever we scrounge together enough nickels and dimes to buy a cam corder.
14. BWarm Soy Massage Candle (Fig) --B Swish is one of those new companies that make me go "huh, interesting", and the massage candle they designed was the most intriguing of all their products I've seen so far.
15. Smartballs (Black&Magenta) --My vagina is tiny, but it is weak. I am of the opinion that Smartballs are like Smarties for your PC muscles--it makes you stronger! smarter! but without the sugar. or the food coloring. I think.
16. Fukuoku Power Pack --I'm sort of a whore when it comes to things that look "hi tech" and this toy looks like it belongs in a sex tape where people get beamed up into alien space ships to get buzzed and probed.
That list totally took me the whole day to put together. Go me.
Total= $997.74
Make your own wish list!
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